Mice
on Film
Jason
Jordan
Jim, Frank, and I got together to do a Science
project in the eighth grade. We decided to measure the time
it took mice to complete a maze, while listening to different
styles of music. We used country, metal, classical, rap, among
other stuff. We thought the mice would be at their best while
listening to classical music, and we were right. They were zany
during all of the other stuff; they were running into walls
and racing around the maze like they had no idea what was going
on.
We were all fortunate that Jim’s dad was
adept at carpentry, because he built an excellent maze. It even
had movable obstructions so the path of the maze could change.
We then bought a few mice from a local pet shop and began our
experiment. It was predictably boring. After we finished the
academic part, though, we had an idea for something else.
Muerte Mice was our first foray into filmmaking.
I drew the title on a piece of notebook paper, then held it
in front of the videocamera. Jim was directing, Frank was acting,
and I was in charge of special effects. The film began with
the mice living happily in their maze, when a plane full of
G.I. Joes descend and begin attacking them. I held the plane,
landed it by lowering it, all the while making sure I wasn’t
in the shot.
We tore the G.I. Joe’s from the plane and
Frank began to bombard the mice with physical attacks. He would
grab hold of a Joe then chase a mouse down a corridor with it.
The music playing during all this was “Welcome to the
Jungle” by Guns ‘N’ Roses. After a few minutes
of terrorizing the mice, Jim accidentally panned too far to
the left, which exposed Frank and his erratic enthusiasm; he
was making gun noises and was getting way too involved with
the whole thing. I don’t remember how the film ended.
But, we knew we had to make a sequel.
Muerte Mice 2: More Muerte was filmed immediately
after the first wrapped production up. Again, I was the special
effects artist. Frank decided to give a brief introduction before
the film’s commencement. He donned a black ski mask and
said the following, which was rendered in a poorly-imitated
Japanese accent:
“Greetings! Funds from Wachubachoby National
Bank have allowed us to make sequel about killer mice who kill
men. It called Muerte Mice 2: More Muerte. I love you!”
....
Jason Jordan is a college
student and has a dark, satirical zine entitled Melancholiks.
You can hear Jason read some of his stuff at the upcoming Offical
Autopsy Report on January 15.
